the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
