there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
