did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
