so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found your dick twin last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
