Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
