so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
