I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
