one two three fourrrrnication!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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