She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
