is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
