Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
