I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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