You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
