You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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