What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
