I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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