i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
