Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize