I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
