I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
