Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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