Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
