Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
