It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
