He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
