That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is wine microwaveable?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
