I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
