You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
