My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
