I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
