i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
