Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
birth control should be required to get into college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
