and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
