You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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