Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
