Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
