You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
