I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
