I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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