Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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