Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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