I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize