Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
