I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
