I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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