Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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