she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
