2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a beard to bite.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
