You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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