Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
there is glitter all over my balls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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