im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
