This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
