so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
