just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
