worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
