bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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