u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize