the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
