so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
