Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
