Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
