They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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