May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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