I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
