If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
