Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
